Recently I found out that someone that is really close to me is gay. I'm not going to say who this person is because it's really not any one's business. This is someone that I have known and loved for several years. When I found out, I was surprised and didn't know exactly what to say. I wasn't upset about it or angry. All that was going through my mind was all the years that this person was struggling and I didn't know it. I also thought about all the comments that were probably said in this person's presence that were homophobic, and I probably said a few myself. This made me feel really bad that I could have said something to hurt this person who has never done anything hurtful to me in all the years that I have known them. This person is actually one of the most loving and accepting people that I know. I'm not going to cut a person like this out of my life just because they are gay. I have always felt that homosexuality is morally wrong but have always felt sorry for any homosexual person's struggle for acceptance and tolerance. I have heard about people and seen documentaries where people are completely disowned by friends and family because they are gay. This is extremely sad to me, I couldn't begin to imagine how it would feel to be disowned by the people that I love. I don't see how anyone can say that a person chooses to be gay. If you actually know someone that is gay, maybe they told you that it's not something that they chose. Clearly if they felt like there was a choice, they wouldn't choose to be gay. Which would be the easier choice? To face ridicule from peers and society? To be possibly disowned by friends and family? If the person is religious then maybe they also have a moral struggle as well, since homosexuality is considered a sin. It is obvious which path would be easier, this is why some people struggle for several years or why some people never come out as gay. Now that I know this person is gay, I don't feel any differently toward them. They are still the same person to me as they ever were but I'm the one who is different. I think more about what I say, even when I'm not around them. It is just as hateful to make homosexual comments and slurs and it is to make racial comments and slurs. Before I found out this person was gay, I didn't really know anyone who was gay. I knew of people that were gay and have worked with people that I thought were gay but this is the first time that someone that I was close to was actually gay. This really put a "face" on homosexuality for me. People who are homosexual are "People". These people face discrimination because they are making choices that others consider a sin. I don't expect people to accept homosexuality and I don't expect the Church to accept homosexuality. If a person is a member of the Church and is gay, I don't think they expect the Church to allow them to continue to be a member or allow them to get married in the Temple. It is obvious that homosexuality doesn't have a place in the Church nor should it and I think they understand that. I don't think people who oppose homosexuality really think these people are actually people or remember that they are actual people.
Now that I've given some background on why I feel the way I do, I'll talk more about Proposition 8. I don't think it is fair to tell a person that they can't marry the person they love. How would anyone react if they were told that they couldn't marry the person that they chose to marry? I want anyone that is reading this to think back in their lives to a time when someone told them that they shouldn't date, marry, or be friends with a person because of one reason or another. These reasons might have seemed to be irrational reasons like race, age, how the person looked, what religion this person was, who their family was, etc. In high school I was told that I shouldn't hang out with people that smoked and drank alcohol. I thought it was stupid and judgmental of them to tell me this. I didn't drink and I didn't smoke and these people didn't try to get me to drink or smoke because it was something I didn't want to do and thought was "bad". I didn't treat these people differently because they did these things and since I had already chosen not to do those things it was never a problem for me to be friends with these people. It is not fair to make judgments on people because they do things that we think are morally wrong and that they don't. I also don't think it is fair to tell someone they can do something and then later tell them they can't. This is what happened when they allowed homosexuals legal unions and then took it away with Proposition 8. I can't support something that discriminates against a group of people like this. Another thing that I was thinking about was the fact that we take marriage for granted. There are people who choose not to get married and think that it's just a piece of paper and that it doesn't define their relationship. There are people like this that are homosexual who don't care but there are others who want marriage and who can't. This kind of reminds me of people who can have kids and don't want any or people who keep having kids and don't want them vs the people who can't have kids or have trouble conceiving. What I'm trying to say is, those who can't have something or have to struggle for something appreciate it more than those who come by those things easily.
I have heard some interesting arguments for Proposition 8 like how we have to protect the family. Here are a few things that I think are harmful to the family:
Divorce: There are a lot of children out there who have divorced parents. I am one of them, Chris is one of them, one of my brothers in law is one, and my sister in law is one. At work we had a management meeting and as part of a "team building" activity we had to share a struggle we had in childhood. Three of the managers mentioned their parents divorcing as being the hardest struggle of their childhood.
Abuse: There are children out there every day who are physically abused by their parents. There are also children that are verbally or sexually abused.
Psychological damage: I know of a couple of people that are effected because their parents hold them to a different standard than their siblings because they "expect more from them". One of the people I know was actually told that they could not make any mistakes because they were the oldest and had to set the example. These people were left with lasting psychological effects from the pressure that their parents put on them. There are other things that parents do to their children that cause lasting psychological damage.
Do we really know that families raised by homosexuals will turn out badly? There are bad people in every form, homosexual and heterosexual.
I have also heard people say that if Proposition 8 didn't pass, that the Church would have to perform gay marriages in the Temple. I heard this from more than one source so I'm sure that this myth is widely circulated and there are still people who believe that this would have happened. This myth was created by someone who either didn't know what they were talking about or someone who was hoping that they could persuade others to support Proposition 8 out of fear. These tactics were also used to persuade people to vote for McCain. There are actually people who think that the apocalypse is here now that Obama is President Elect. What would have happened if Proposition 8 didn't pass? Well, what has been happening since gays were allowed legal unions? There are still homosexuals in the world just like there was yesterday. If Proposition 8 didn't pass, did people think that homosexuality would spread like wildfire? People react the way they do to things they don't understand because of fear. Just like there are people who think that the country is doomed now that we have an "African American" President. Even though Obama bugged the heck out of me for ridiculous reasons that were not really grounded in rational thinking, his success will be the Country's success. Chris and I don't hate America (Steve).
We are not the ones who decide other people's salvation. People have free agency. This is why I try not to judge people for having religious differences or different ideas of what is considered moral. We are told to "love the sinner, not the sin" and to "do unto others as you would want others to do unto you". I'm not asking everyone to change how they feel about homosexuality. I thought that I've been pretty respectful when I've made comments voicing my opinion but other people do not return the favor and take my comments out of context and say I don't know what I'm talking about. I think that unless you have a close friend or family member who is homosexual you are really the one who doesn't know what you are talking about. Unless it happens to you, you can't truly say how you would react or feel about it. I have seen someone who was openly anti gay change to understanding and tolerant after they found out that a person they loved was gay.
6 comments:
Good point. I don't know about that part about not hating America, though.
I feel like there's just a general lack of compassion and empathy in our society, which is unfortunate.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how we as Mormons can be so judgmental about others, when we dislike when people judge or make assumptions about us. Of course, that behavior is not exclusive to Mormonism. I agree that this behavior stems from ignorance.
Prop 8 is prop 102 in Arizona and sadly, there is so much to this prop that nobody knows about. The marriage part is the smallest part of it. The main reason I voted for prop 102 is because if it is constitutional they can teach our children in school without the parents permission about homosexuality. Also, the thing with the Temple is that if it is constitutional that they can marry, no religion can refuse marriage in their churches, etc. So the church would have to stop temple marriage because they would technically be breaking the law if they refused to marry a homosexual couple. There are actually people in states where they can marry that are trying to sue the church for not allowing them to be sealed in the Temple. I think people can choose to live how they like, I don't care who they choose to love. I just have a hard time saying, ok, go ahead and teach my kids about it, I don't like that idea. There were two teachers somewhere back east who one, took her 2nd grade class to her wedding to her partner and the other teacher was teaching 2nd graders about being homosexual. That is something 2nd graders should be taught by their parents. The school should be impartial and not teach about who should marry who. I don't know, it's a tough prop but I did vote for it. I do have close friends that are gay and I hate to say you can't marry who you love but I decided to follow the counsel of our Prophet and keep marriage sacred between man and woman.
I still have a hard time believing that anyone would be able to succeed in winning a lawsuit to allow gay marriage in the LDS church or Temple. Does the Church excommunicate homosexuals? Obviously homosexuals are not worthy members of the Church and are not allowed in the Temple. I don't see how the Government can tell a religion what privileges it can and cannot withhold from its members. This argument makes no sense whatsoever. If this could actually happen, then it would be currently possible for unworthy heterosexual members of the Church to sue to get married and sealed in the Temple. If a court ruled that Augusta National Golf Club didn't have to allow female members when someone sued them, I don't see how they would rule against a church. The Government has a hard time prosecuting polygamist churches and they break the law every day.
I don't agree with schools teaching homosexuality without parental consent. If you can't discuss religion in schools and you have to have a parental signature to teach sex education then you should have to have permission to teach homosexuality to kids in school. With this said, kids that have a gay family member are going to learn about it at a young age. Will these kids be screwed up from it? I think as long as you explain to your children what beliefs you have then they should be fine. Just like sex, drugs and alcohol, homosexuality is a part of the world that we can't shelter our children from forever. I heard a protester on the news say that they are fine with what the Church teaches their members but they don't think that they should be held to the Church's standards. I totally agree with this statement. Unfortunately the people that created all these Propositions lumped all these things into one amendment and shouldn't have put the restriction on marriage. Another thing that I heard on the news was the atrocious amounts of money spent on campaigning for and against these propositions. I think it was somewhere around 64 million? They estimated that 22 million came from Church members. In a time when people are loosing their homes and are unemployed we find no problem spending large sums of money on political issues instead of donating to charity. I know people are trying to protect the "sanctity of marriage" but will it really make your marriage any less sacred if homosexuals were allowed to marry? The only people that can truly define my marriage are me and Chris.
The Temple thing is crazy....the only way they could sue the church and win is if the state let's homosexuals marry and who knows if it would actually win. It is crazy that the government is deciding what religions are allowed to do...sad. It's just like the lady who is determined to make sure the word God is taken out of schools, etc. And I agree that too much is put into one proposition. Politics drive me crazy!
The temple thing is not true, and is one of the dishonest arguments used by opponents of gay marriage to spread fear. Consider the following:
- Gay marriage is already permitted in other states and countries where the church has temples and members. Number of times church has been sued (I've never even heard of it happening--forget about whether or not such a lawsuit has been successful) for not allowing gay marriage: 0
- The federal constitution has strict language which defines the separation of church and state. That separation has allowed the church to practice forms of discrimination at various times during its history. Consider, for example, the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which outlawed racial segregation and discrimination in the United States. The passage of this law didn't stop the church from continuing to deny blacks the priesthood. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 and other federal and state laws also provide protection for women against discrimination. That being the case, women in the church still aren't permitted to hold the priesthood.
- As Abish pointed out, the church already "discriminates" against its heterosexual members who do not meet certain "worthiness" requirements and does not allow them to be married in the temple. (Perhaps Becca and I should sue the church for not allowing us to be married there?) Were separation of church and state protections not in place, this would likely have been challenged a long time ago. The permission of gay marriage would not allow homosexuals special rights in such situations that would exceed the rights of heterosexuals.
The school thing is more fear-mongering by the anti-gay marriage movement, if you ask me. In the court case Amanda pointed out (Massachusetts), the court rightly ruled that gay marriage could be taught in school because gay marriage is recognized under MA law. MA also has no statutes in place that allow parents to restrict certain subjects from being taught to their children without parental consent (CA does have such statutes, however, making the Prop. 8 proponents' use of the MA court case as an example of a negative outcome of gay marriage completely dishonest). Teaching that gay marriage or homosexuality are allowed under the law is not the same as endorsing these practices/behaviors. For Mormons, would you have pulled your children out of school prior to blacks being allowed the priesthood (1978) if the schools were teaching that racial discrimination is illegal? That certainly didn't jive with Mormon beliefs. Would Mormons pull their children out of school because gender equality is being taught? There is no gender equality in the church, so...
None of the Prop. 8 proponents' arguments against gay marriage hold up under scrutiny. I would have liked to have seen more honesty in their campaign. What this really comes down to is religious beliefs, nothing more. It's pretty hard to tell other people that God looks down on gay marriage and use that as your only valid argument when other people don't share your beliefs, though.
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