Welcome To The Greatest Show....: Hold on Spider Monkey!

Edward looks like a zombie, not a vampire.

Yesterday a group from work went to see the movie Twilight. I wasn't really expecting much from this movie because I have heard so many mixed reviews. A lot of people have said that they loved it and a lot of people said that they were disappointed. I guess it depends on what kind of Twilight fan you are. I am not a fan. I think the books are overrated and I find it mind boggling that people say it's the best books they have ever read. I have read far better books than the Twilight series. I think there is some entertainment value in them but I find them repetitive and verbose. The group that went to the movie last night consisted of mostly B&N management and a few booksellers. I think a majority of us weren't Twilight fans. Right away the movie was annoying because Bella was narrating the movie, she did this at a few parts in the movie where it was not even necessary, like when she said he wasn't in Biology, and then the camera showed his empty desk. Yes Bella, we can see Edward wasn't in Biology! The acting was also very awkward. In the book, Edward came off as suave and irresistible. In the movie, Edward came off awkward and weird. You would think that after living for a few hundred years, he'd at least learn how to talk to girls! It is also sad when the supporting cast does better acting than the main characters. Bella is constantly stammering and shaking her head in confusion throughout the movie. Special effects in the movie were awful, makeup was awful. How are the vampires supposed to blend in with the humans when they have heavy white makeup on their faces. Someone said that there was even a part in the movie where Edward's shirt had shifted and you could see his makeup line on his neck. We were constantly laughing throughout the whole movie. It was hilarious! Some of our favorite parts are listed below:

At the diner, Bella and her dad run into a guy who tells Bella she sat on his lap when he was dressed as Santa. Then Bella made a comment about him being "butt crack Santa". Later this character is killed by the bad vampires. The townsfolk think it was an animal attack. Is it any surprise that the creepy town pedophile ends up dead?
Bella finds out she has to sit by Edward in Biology class. Edward's reaction was a case of over acting when he sees her. He almost falls out of his chair as he is convulsing. I think the book says he just has a look of horror on his face.
When Edward talks for the first time, his voice is unexpectedly high. Not too sexy.
Edward shows Bella what his skin looks like in the sun. It starts to sparkle and make sounds. Bella tells him that it's beautiful and he yells at her "This is the skin of a killer!"
Edward runs away from Bella telling her he is a monster and that she should stay away from him. This is followed up with him awkwardly cornering Bella against a boulder.
The bad vampires come into the field amongst a cloud of fog with hair blowing in the wind. One of them has his shirt open and blowing in the wind.
Edwards hair gets bigger as the movie progresses.
Stephenie Meyer makes an appearance in the diner. A very awkward vegetarian appearance.
Edward tells Bella that he likes to watch her sleep after surprising her in her bedroom. Creepy! This is followed up with him telling her not to move as he kisses her. Bella responds by jumping out her covers in a shirt and underwear!
Edward is in profile 90% of the movie.
After Bella is attacked by bad vampire James, they tell Bella's mom that she fell down 2 flights of stairs and flew through a window. Okay......this explains the broken leg and cuts. What about the bite marks on her arm where both James and Edward bit her?
Edward has Bella jump on his back. He tells her to "Hold on spider monkey!" and then takes off jumping through the trees.
Cheesy scene in the cafeteria where Bella knocks an apple off the counter and it bounces up into Edwards hands and looks just like the cover of the Twilight book.
Bella tells Edward that she knows what he is. He tells her to "Say it! Say it out loud! Say it!" The whole time, she has her back to Edward. Girl has no street smarts. Who walks into the woods alone to confront a vampire with their back turned?

There are many other parts that kept us laughing. Even if you are not a Twilight fan, you should see it for comedic value. I've never seen a movie that was supposed to be serious, be so funny.