And Winter Came....Enya
I am not excited about my birthday coming up. Turning 28 probably wouldn't be too much of a big deal if I didn't already tack a deadline on it about 3 years ago. For those of you who don't know, I've been pushing back having kids since Chris and I have gotten married. First it was to wait 1 year after we got married, then we decided to wait another year, then another year, then I decided we would wait until I was 25, then the year I was turning 25 I decided that we'd wait until I was 28. Ever since the beginning of this year, it's been in the back of my mind that I will be turning 28 and that we should start having kids sometime soon. This sometimes gives me anxiety thinking about it. It's not that I don't want kids, it's more of a fear of being physically pregnant that scares the crap out of me. That's some scary stuff happening people! I really give props to those of you who have had kids. Just the thought of pushing out a baby is enough to give me a panic attack. Someone mentioned that I could have a C-section and I was like "Yeah, and have my stomach cut open?!!! I don't know what's worse!" Yikes!!! I know it's pretty ridiculous and a lot of people that have had kids say that I'll get over it because it's not really that bad, but the feeling is still there for me. I think I will get over it once I am actually pregnant. To add to fact that I'm crazy in the brain, I also keep wondering "Who's going to watch our kids when we're at work?" I am a worry wart by nature and I think I let this have more pull on my decision to have kids than it should. No really, who's going to watch them? Any volunteers? I'm pretty set on not having my kids go to daycare if I can help it. Another thing is that, in a way, I feel like I'm still young. Ha ha. This is kind of funny, now that I've actually said that. What I mean is, time has gone by so fast that it kind of seems like I'm still in my early 20's and that we just got married. I can't believe that I have been avoiding having kids for 6 years now! There are people I went to school with that have 7 year old kids! I'm a little behind on the times since a lot of people I went to school with have at least one kid and some have three. This is almost mind boggling to me. For a long time, I've viewed my childlessness as a badge of honor since there are not a lot of couples here in Utah without kids. Now it's getting to be borderline ridiculous and Chris is not really a happy camper when I express my anxiety. Don't worry about me everybody, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Is it too late for a surrogate?
1 comment:
It totally feels like Christmas here. I love it! Can't wait for the holidays.
I was thinking about kids the other day myself. If we were the typical Mormon couple, we would have 3-4 kids. Yikes! I could have a kid older than Benjamin. That's a weird thought.
Post a Comment